The Mother's Day Survival Guide

Yes. The day is finally here. Mother's Day!!!  Where you go and pick her Hydrangeas and Irises from the flower bed, and not get in trouble. It's like a flower picking free for all! Unlike a regular day, when you go and pick your mom's flowers, you don't get yelled at for grabbing a flower or two... or twelve. You get "Awww. Thank you Sweetie." Yes!
Another plus, when you get marker or paint on the floor or wall, it's cute because you wanted to make a card. And its the thought that counts right? So go ahead color the wall to your little heart's desire.
But don't be fooled. Just because the flowers are suddenly available and you can magically paint the floors does not mean you can get away with anything. There are limitations, you cannot abuse the power Mother's Day suddenly gives you.
First the cuteness of being covered in glitter stops around age seven, it's just annoying when you're twenty-something. *Cough, cough* Ke$ha.

Gifting Dos and Don'ts:
Dos:
1) You can never go wrong with crafts. Something made from the the heart is a sure way of getting Good Child points. A macaroni picture should hold you off until your about eight or nine. Then you have to pull out the big guns.
2) Jewelry. It is a fact of life, diamonds are a women's best friend.  Or if you're like me so is a cheap plastic thing you won from a machine at the front of a dollar store.
3) Flowers. They smell good and are pretty.

Dont's:
1) Leather Suites. What more can I say?
2) Saying "Happy Mother's Day." How would feel if you were a mom and your kid walked up to you and said "Happy Mother's Day, and umm stuff.... Can i borrow ten bucks?"
3) Never! Ever! Flush you mother's make up or jewelry down the toilet. Just because she looks pretty without it, or the jewelry is ugly, does not mean you can 'Do her a favor' and dispose of it.

Family.
It's a well known fact that Mother's day means food and food means family. Even if you invited them or not. You must be on your best behavior. Talking about the sound a bug made when you squished it is not proper to discuss at the table. Especially when your an adult. I'm just saying. Making Granny lose her lunch will not get you a Christmas card.

So now that we have covered the basics, I think you are prepared enough to face Mother's Day on your own. Take a deep breath, you got this.